Saltea
by Lieutenant-Hawkaye
Summary: Roy Mustang likes playing pranks on Riza, even though they never work. This time he hopes to have a laugh before work. Let's just say he does, but he doesn't have the last laugh.


Roy rubbed his eyes and he rolled over to see that Riza was still asleep. It was a rare occurence that he was awake before the Lieutenant. He checked the clock on the wall, he still had ten minutes before the alarm clock next to Riza would sound.

Instead of waking her, he got out of bed and quietly felt his way in the dark, as not to wake her, to the kitchen to get some breakfast. Roy flicked the light on and proceeded to make himself a bowl of cereal.

After putting the milk back in the fridge he moved over to where the kettle stood and opened the sugar tin and sprinkled a few teaspoons in his bowl. As he replaced the lid on the sugar he noticed a white tub in the corner of his eye, it was labeled 'salt'. A smirk began to spread across the Colonel's face as an idea formed in his mind.

Roy made sure Riza wasn't getting out of bed before he started on his plan. He grabbed the tub of salt and tipped the contents of the sugar tin into the bin, then he replaced it with salt. He put the lid back on the tin like nothing had happened.

"Morning, Roy." Riza's groggy voice welcomed Roy from the kitchen door a few minutes later. She shuffled in and went straight to the kettle to turn it on. She seemed to move in slow motion, that's probably because she hadn't been woken up by her morning cup of tea yet.

The notorious sniper Riza Hawkeye was stood in her kitchen half asleep, hair a mess and in pink, flowery pyjamas. She was also having trouble opening the jar which contained the tea bags she used to start her day.

"How are you this morning, Riza?" Roy said casually, trying to keep the hint of laughter out of his voice. He got a shrug as her response to his question. A satisfied 'ah' escaped Riza's lips when she managed to get the tea jar open, Roy's smirk also broadened.

Riza threw one of the tea bags in a mug, Roy presumed, since he couldn't actually see the kettle. He went to put his bowl in the sink as he heard the top of the sugar tin come off, he had to try hard to restrain his laughter.

"Roy, could you pass me a teaspoon?" Riza asked him without turning around, all she did was put her hand behind her ready to take the spoon. Roy got the spoon and hoped Riza didn't notice that his hand was shaking from his silenced laughter. Luckily for him she didn't seem to.

Roy heard the spoon clink against the side of the tin and then against the mug a few times, each time the laughter he was holding back was getting stronger. By the time Riza had made her tea, black as usual, Roy was in tears ready to watch her expression as she drank her 'sweet' tea.

This was it. Riza brought the cup up to her mouth and took a sip, and paused. An inhuman noise escaped Roy, and Riza turned to face him. Expressionlessly, she stared him dead in the eye and drained the whole cup.

"Remind me never to drink piping hot tea again, I think I've burnt my tongue." Riza said nonchalantly, Roy's face had gone from amused to dumbfounded, he nodded in response. How the hell had she done that? He wondered.

She moved slightly to the side and Roy noticed another mug with brown liquid in, and Riza motioned for Roy to take it. He had no idea when she had made that, without him noticing as well. He did as he was told, and nursed it in his hands for a few seconds. He looked into the mug and sighed.

"You take two sugars in your coffee right?" Riza asked sweetly, Roy nodded slowly. He had a sip and tried not to let the revulsion he felt show on his face. He realised Riza was watching him, so he drank the rest of the coffee as fast as the heat and saltiness would let him

Riza put the mug down and walked toward the door, and said. "Oh, and Roy? After work could you pop to the shop and get some sugar? I think ours had gone off or something." Then she carried on out of the room to get ready for work.

"That woman." Roy mumbled to himself. He put his elbows on the counter where the kettle stood and put his head in his hands.


End file.
